A very honest post.

Some days (if I'm being totally honest--most days) I want to scrap this whole wedding and start over.


Okay, not the whole wedding. I'd like to keep the groom.


I don't know about you, but ever since I learned what a wedding was--so, about six years old--I started planning mine. Granted, it has been an ever-changing sort of "planning"... but it has never been far from my mind. I would see a wedding on TV/in a movie and I would make sure to note what I did or did not like. I would attend a wedding and imagine myself in a pretty white dress. I would help friends plan their weddings and think "I wonder which flowers I would choose..."


So when it came time for me to actually plan a wedding, I thought I was ahead of the game. I knew the flowers, I knew the cake. I was already reading the blogs and the magazines. I'd watched plenty of weddings being planned. I was waiting for me to fall in love with my wedding, the wedding of my six-year-old dreams.


But then, I realized that it wasn't just my wedding. Other people had been planning this wedding! Not only was I getting married to someone who obviously had a say in the plans, but I'm an only daughter! My mother and grandmother had probably been imagining this day longer than I had.


Enter a lot of compromise, give-and-take, and just plain disappointment.


I kept reminding myself that this day is not about me, in any sense of the word. In the littlest sense, this day is about family. Of course my mom and grandma would have dreams about my wedding! Of course I'll compromise with them!


In the biggest sense, this day is about the gospel. It is about Brett and I being joined together in a covenant that is representative of Christ and the church. It is about servanthood, love, humility. It is about tangibly displaying Christ's love to the world. It is not about getting what I want.


And honestly, I think that this is just real life. I think that this is what happens to most of us. Most brides don't choose absolutely every detail--most brides compromise with their family and loved ones. Most brides don't get everything they've ever dreamed of--most brides compromise based on what is practical. Most brides aren't thrilled and in love with every part of their wedding. It's not realistic to think otherwise.


But the wedding blogs and the magazines won't tell you this. They won't tell you that you might not have your six-year-old dream wedding. They won't tell you that after compromising and merging different tastes, styles, and dreams there will be some things you're just... not a fan of. They won't tell you that because it's not as glamorous.


But it is just as beautiful. I am still getting marry Brett on August 21st. I am still getting to stand in front of my friends and family and vow to love him for the rest of my life. I am still going to have the wedding of my dreams because it is going to be my wedding! The wedding in which not only my plans come to life, but my plans and dreams are merged with those of all the people I love; the wedding in which I get to marry Brett and on that day, I probably won't care about any of the other details. :)

Titus 3:4-7

Sometimes... since Titus 2 is such a big deal... I think I forget that there is a Titus 3.


Today was a good reminder. :)

"But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life."

Happy Father's Day

Things I've Learned  from my Father

1. Keeping the A/C on while the windows are rolled down creates the perfect blend of wind in your hair and comfortable breeze. 

2. The art of tailgating.

3. That it is okay for your musical preferences to span genres. (e.g. Kanye West and Neil Diamond)

4. To get dressed every morning like you're going to be somewhere important.

5. To laugh. :)

One reason that I'm longing for Heaven.

A few months ago I was in a discussion about longing for heaven. It wasn't just about the fact that we're longing for heaven. It was about the things, people, ideas on earth that makes us recognize that we long for heaven. Some people mentioned that there are certain songs or certain types of music that stir something inside of them--something awakens that realizes there's more of that. Some people mentioned the beauty of nature as that agent of longing.


One person mentioned something that really struck me--obviously, since I've been thinking about it ever since. He mentioned relationships, friendships. We experience this longing for deep relationships with other people. We hear and read about what fellowship in the church should look like, what gospel community should look like, what the body of Christ should look like... so we search for it, we long for it, we attempt to have it. But, we always fall short. Either the frienships aren't reciprocated. Or sin damages the community. Or it just isn't quite what we thought it would be.


So we keep longing.
Not because are friendships aren't good. We're longing for real fellowship. Friendship that isn't hindered by sin. The kind of intimacy in community for which we were created. We long for more.


Honestly, I have no idea what heaven is going to be like. I don't know what "friendships" will look like, or what kind of "community" we'll have. I don't know if these words will even make sense in eternity. But I'm pretty sure that all of our longings for this real fellowship will be met there.
And if there weren't hundreds of reasons to be excited and hopeful and longing for heaven already... here's just another one that keeps me hoping. :)

A little story about my morning.

In the morning I would ALWAYS look in the same drawer for my hairbrush. The wrong drawer, though.

Yesterday, I decided I would just move the hairbrush to that drawer. 

Not to be dramatic or anything, but this has revolutionized my mornings. Obviously, I'm not going to create a life mantra or anything out of this... but I think I should at least take some organizational cues from it.

"Marriage refers to Christ and the church--every marriage, no matter how pendulum-like because of our sin; every marriage, even if the couple doesn't care a bit about Jesus."


--Noel Piper, Foreword to This Momentary Marriage by John Piper

Things I Learned Today

(Bridal Shower Edition)


1. No matter how old I get, funfetti will always be my favorite cake flavor.
2. Having the groom come for "present opening" (i.e. opening presents in front of people while everyone stares at you [yes, I know I'm being dramatic... but sometimes it feels this way!]) makes the time slightly less awkward.
3. It is possible to have a bridal shower without any of those cheesy/typical bridal shower games.
4. It is apparently possible to get married to someone without knowing basic things about their life. [e.g. "If he could go anywhere in the world, where would he go?"]
5. Bridal showers, while sometimes awkward, are so totally worth it. Especially when they are with my friends. :)

Explanation: I'm the type of person that gets awkward when there's lots of attention on me, and so an entire party devoted to talking about me, encouraging me, praying for me, giving me presents, opening presents in front of people, being the only one playing a game, etc. always intimidated me. BUT -- not saying today wasn't awkward at times, or that I was totally comfortable with all of the attention -- but, I feel loved. I feel cherished and ushered towards marriage with love and prayer and a body of women who care about me. I totally get why bridal showers exist, and it is so totally worth it to be sent off into marriage with a group of women spending a day lifting you up to the Lord and just loving you. I am so blessed.

Things I Learned

Since I'm a seminary dropout, the series ("You know you're in seminary when...") I began and very rarely updated must also end. 


So, in honor of my dear friend Paul (who, in all likelihood, has no idea this blog even exists) I'm going to start a new series, "Things I Learned". This is pretty obviously about things I learn. I'll update randomly, just when I have a day, or week, or other chunk of time that I feel like I have taken something away from. 


Stay tuned for the first installment... The Bridal Shower Edition.