Pre-Wedding Musings... Post-Wedding.

I stumbled upon this post dated August 3rd, that I never published:

"There are a lot of things about marriage that are going to be a significant adjustment for me. 

I mean, duh. Right? That may have been the biggest understatement of the year. But the point is that there are lots of things that are going to change, that will be hard, that I won't necessarily like right away. But there is one that I know will be extra hard. Because it's hard already. Because I feel the stress and the weight of it even in the planning to be married. 

It's that I will no longer be an "I"; I will be a "We". 

For the most part, that's exciting. I'm going to be married! There will be companionship, love, encouragement... I like the idea of being a "we" when it comes to the white picket fence and Saturday mornings with the newspaper and coffee. 

But becoming a "we" means that I no longer get to make decisions on a whim. I am accountable to and responsible for another human being. I can't just walk into the mall and decide to buy a computer. I can't just decide to apply for a job in North Carolina for a summer. I can't pick up one day and move to California. Granted, I wouldn't necessarily move across the country without telling anyone even if I was single. And, obviously, these aren't very important things... mostly they're just outrageous examples. But I'm essentially giving up some of my independence. I'm deciding to be "tied down" in a sense, tied to another person. Tied to his desires and dreams... not just my own. 

Please don't misunderstand me--these are good things. God designed marriage for good reasons. God designed marriage as two individuals becoming a pair, "one flesh", for good reasons--for His glory and our joy, and for so many other things I'm sure I'll learn.

I'm just saying that it's going to be hard, because I've gotten used to being an "I". But, even though I'm a little nervous about the transition, I am excited about becoming a "we". :)"

That was written three weeks before I got married, but a lot of it I think is still true. There's a lot of life-merging that's happening... the two "I"s becoming one "we". There's accountability and humility, learning to be less self-focused. Even just learning to share a bed was more challenging than I expected. :) But there's so much goodness, too. For one, it's so much fun to live with your best friend. And even in the accountability and humility, learning to be selfless... there's goodness. It's sanctifying. This is the way God chose to sanctify us, through marriage to the other person.

And it's good.