Pre-Wedding Musings... Post-Wedding.

I stumbled upon this post dated August 3rd, that I never published:

"There are a lot of things about marriage that are going to be a significant adjustment for me. 

I mean, duh. Right? That may have been the biggest understatement of the year. But the point is that there are lots of things that are going to change, that will be hard, that I won't necessarily like right away. But there is one that I know will be extra hard. Because it's hard already. Because I feel the stress and the weight of it even in the planning to be married. 

It's that I will no longer be an "I"; I will be a "We". 

For the most part, that's exciting. I'm going to be married! There will be companionship, love, encouragement... I like the idea of being a "we" when it comes to the white picket fence and Saturday mornings with the newspaper and coffee. 

But becoming a "we" means that I no longer get to make decisions on a whim. I am accountable to and responsible for another human being. I can't just walk into the mall and decide to buy a computer. I can't just decide to apply for a job in North Carolina for a summer. I can't pick up one day and move to California. Granted, I wouldn't necessarily move across the country without telling anyone even if I was single. And, obviously, these aren't very important things... mostly they're just outrageous examples. But I'm essentially giving up some of my independence. I'm deciding to be "tied down" in a sense, tied to another person. Tied to his desires and dreams... not just my own. 

Please don't misunderstand me--these are good things. God designed marriage for good reasons. God designed marriage as two individuals becoming a pair, "one flesh", for good reasons--for His glory and our joy, and for so many other things I'm sure I'll learn.

I'm just saying that it's going to be hard, because I've gotten used to being an "I". But, even though I'm a little nervous about the transition, I am excited about becoming a "we". :)"

That was written three weeks before I got married, but a lot of it I think is still true. There's a lot of life-merging that's happening... the two "I"s becoming one "we". There's accountability and humility, learning to be less self-focused. Even just learning to share a bed was more challenging than I expected. :) But there's so much goodness, too. For one, it's so much fun to live with your best friend. And even in the accountability and humility, learning to be selfless... there's goodness. It's sanctifying. This is the way God chose to sanctify us, through marriage to the other person.

And it's good. 

A very honest post.

Some days (if I'm being totally honest--most days) I want to scrap this whole wedding and start over.


Okay, not the whole wedding. I'd like to keep the groom.


I don't know about you, but ever since I learned what a wedding was--so, about six years old--I started planning mine. Granted, it has been an ever-changing sort of "planning"... but it has never been far from my mind. I would see a wedding on TV/in a movie and I would make sure to note what I did or did not like. I would attend a wedding and imagine myself in a pretty white dress. I would help friends plan their weddings and think "I wonder which flowers I would choose..."


So when it came time for me to actually plan a wedding, I thought I was ahead of the game. I knew the flowers, I knew the cake. I was already reading the blogs and the magazines. I'd watched plenty of weddings being planned. I was waiting for me to fall in love with my wedding, the wedding of my six-year-old dreams.


But then, I realized that it wasn't just my wedding. Other people had been planning this wedding! Not only was I getting married to someone who obviously had a say in the plans, but I'm an only daughter! My mother and grandmother had probably been imagining this day longer than I had.


Enter a lot of compromise, give-and-take, and just plain disappointment.


I kept reminding myself that this day is not about me, in any sense of the word. In the littlest sense, this day is about family. Of course my mom and grandma would have dreams about my wedding! Of course I'll compromise with them!


In the biggest sense, this day is about the gospel. It is about Brett and I being joined together in a covenant that is representative of Christ and the church. It is about servanthood, love, humility. It is about tangibly displaying Christ's love to the world. It is not about getting what I want.


And honestly, I think that this is just real life. I think that this is what happens to most of us. Most brides don't choose absolutely every detail--most brides compromise with their family and loved ones. Most brides don't get everything they've ever dreamed of--most brides compromise based on what is practical. Most brides aren't thrilled and in love with every part of their wedding. It's not realistic to think otherwise.


But the wedding blogs and the magazines won't tell you this. They won't tell you that you might not have your six-year-old dream wedding. They won't tell you that after compromising and merging different tastes, styles, and dreams there will be some things you're just... not a fan of. They won't tell you that because it's not as glamorous.


But it is just as beautiful. I am still getting marry Brett on August 21st. I am still getting to stand in front of my friends and family and vow to love him for the rest of my life. I am still going to have the wedding of my dreams because it is going to be my wedding! The wedding in which not only my plans come to life, but my plans and dreams are merged with those of all the people I love; the wedding in which I get to marry Brett and on that day, I probably won't care about any of the other details. :)